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Nov. 11th, 2012 | 02:07 am

I'm still being asked and piqued about this to this very day over five years later. Five years! I can't think of many things within my life that lasted more than five years. A handful of friendships, a first love, and ranked just below these: a weird blip on the internet involving myself and a girl I knew and traveled with that enveloped itself into an LJ, one that refuses to go the way of every other LJ I've ever had in my life: chronicling a relentless revenge to hurt the girl's ego as tidy and simple as could be. A bit shameful but I refuse to give in.

Poor Emily, I'm not looking to be condescending by any means, but perhaps the bitter sensation of her in my mouth has melted into something I can draw a fond memory or two from. I was much different five years ago. She has to be different too. Maybe. I'm terrible with recognizing faces but my brain hasn't been able to make hers out for quite some time. The rest of it I mismatch for myself in my own head and tell myself there was still something nice about her.

Comments {26}

From: anonymous
Date: Nov. 21st, 2012 02:00 pm (UTC)

Heheh, I still have your ego-crushing LJ in my RSS reader, Nick. Funny, bc even emiry couldn't be arsed to read it nowadays, if I'm allowed to exaggerate a bit.

so WAS she genuinely nice at some point or two? It's (or would be) refreshing to hear that a person like her has some kind of "warmth" in her. Obviously she didn't exactly treat you like shit before all that trip business, right?

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nick .

From: raspberrysyrup
Date: Dec. 11th, 2012 10:06 pm (UTC)

i didn't have very many connections to other people for a long time, for a few reasons, and during my relationship with her there was always warmth to be found. even having someone to share obscure interests with will draw them a little closer, doesn't it? so i would never, especially for that time in my life when i was much more shutting out everyone and everything else, feel obligated to speak with or share myself with someone that didn't have anything to offer me. for a bit she was the only person i could talk to; i was tainted goods but i had an emotional companion who liked me anyway. that feels nice when you need it although that part hasn't really changed.

all that really changed was she got full of herself, fanned with flattery and over-enthusiastic complimenting from iffy places, made to feel she was worth more, better than others, more special, and i was a weighty unneeded appendage. i can understand it, just like i can understand purposely driving someone away to not have to feel obligated to someone you invited to travel with. i don't think she is a terrible person at heart, but i can't speak to her personality since then. i haven't heard very many nice things about her from people that have popped up to tell me their experiences with her, but you have to take that as it is considering they probably wouldn't seek me just to say she was oh-so-nice or oh-so-sweet. she isn't a monster, instead she's just extremely easy to dislike. it doesn't take away the warmth they did have or may still have, and most of what i lament is that something assembled and kept for years collapsed for really petty reasons. that's life though!

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