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Jun. 5th, 2011 | 03:03 pm

where it all started almost exactly four years ago. it kind of sucks, we seemed fairly close for so many years up to then, only to have everything ruined for petty reasons of selfishness. it may or may not have found a way to mend itself eventually if she didn't have her phase of e-fame at the time that I was instrumental in using against her later... we'll never know. even if it's her amidst all her flaws and rapidly declining personality at the time, I don't like to lose relationships to people I trusted, because I have only a handful of such relationships. for me the trust was obliterated when I felt she treated me like I was nothing to her when she didn't need anymore when I was most vulnerable and alone in a foreign country. for her I'm sure the trust was obliterated when I came home and used the net to hit her where it hurt her most. we don't need each other anymore and we're probably better off for it. at the same time, I still wish things worked out differently, and in some far-off and unlikely way they still could (but won't).

I'd write her a brief letter yet I don't know how to contact her, so I'm left to express these feelings here. life is too short for grudges. I forgive her for what happened and it's not any secret to anyone that knows me I'm extremely emotional and wear them on my sleeve, so my reactions and ways I manifested them were ruthlessly underhanded because I felt justified in it. I don't think she would forgive me because part of my revenge from the beginning was to make sure this lj simply wouldn't just go away but instead remain like a swollen tumor to bother her. it's long not mattered anymore and pretty silly it's still here, isn't it? I'd take it down and put it all to rest in a heartbeat if I felt she was genuinely remorseful not just for what happened in tokyo, but rather for what really upset me from the beginning: taking advantage of our relationship and my trust in her to act like she acted and did what she did. it was over nothing in the big picture but that's what hurt me: being made to feel worthless and so repugnant by someone when you're most vulnerable, by someone you piled all your trust in, by someone you genuinely felt would never ever do something to hurt you but rather save you because you saved each other so many times over the years.

it's kind of a sad story to me but understandably amusing to most everyone else. I only wanted to get it off my chest one last time.

Comments {33}

Re: We're responsible for what we do.

From: anonymous
Date: Jun. 11th, 2011 09:09 pm (UTC)

If you say their relationship before going to Japan is unclear to you, then why are you basing your arguement on the assumption that they just had an internet relationship? I also don't know the details, though I think they're somewhere to be found in this lj, but even if that's so, how is that justification for Emily's behavior? I don't remember clearly, so forgive me if I've got it wrong, but I'm pretty sure this was Nick's personal lj, where he wrote about what happened to him, as he's entitled to do, but Emily's father, I think it was, harassed him to take it down, which he did not, as he's also entitled to do. I think no one would have given a shit about this kind of personal drama had not Emily been an internet celebrity at the time.

What started out as a personal lj has become a place to criticize a pseudo-celebrity. Emily wants to be famous, right? She's no real celebrity for sure, but, well, criticism comes with the fame she so desperately desires. She's clearly scammed people through YouTube, she's reportly done all sorts of sleazy, slimey things to get people to do what she wants, and while real foreign students in Japan like myself work part time to pay our way, she's in Japan playing rock star on daddy's money, apparently ruining every opportunity she gets. She's even abandoned the English-speaking YouTube fans that gave her her 15 minutes of fame in the first place. She only makes a new video for them when she wants something - money.

Are these personal choices she's entitled to make? Yes, of course. But she also should be held responsible for them too. We're responsible for what we do, yes, and that's including Emily.

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