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Mar. 31st, 2015 | 06:02 pm












this was my modest weeby setup in 2007 in one era where i resided then but more relevantly during the applemilk 'hacking' saga specifically. i'm a bit of a mobile person and have moved 11,000 times since childhood playing alchemist to each place i find myself, making some sort of life and living, transmuted from lead to a sunlit hydrangea knoll where i can secretly flaunt my bruises. still, this was my most lived-in bedroom i could recall, which was an emotional point of contention throughout my growing up. not pictured but i had another petite system booted from the womb of a USB stick to swallow if the door ever broke down from any authorities. you can never be too careful, more so in this day and age, but i've left that sort of play behind after an unrelated incident. i don't have to work any sort of job for a while, i'm good, i'm gone, but it's not any sort of life i would endorse for anyone. i have my work hours where i bang out my writing gigs one fragment after another (which admittedly isn't traditional "work" i know) but i was constantly drinking in the afternoon onward until i rightly pissed off my darling. women are always right.


also, my cats (when they were kittens at least). i love scrounging through old photobuckets. indulge me.


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Comments {24}

Hey anon

From: anonymous
Date: Jun. 1st, 2015 11:15 am (UTC)
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I too have this weirdly emotional connection with this event, among others - My first exposure to chan culture was back in 06, so there's this whole associative memory/emotion with that period (06 onwards). It's also when I first got into anime. When I first started reading manga. When the seventh gen of consoles first came about. When I was at college. When YouTube first started getting big and creating proto e-celebs and so on. I wonder if it holds similar associative feelings for you.

Whatever happened to Emily exactly anyway? What did she do? Do you have any contact with her anymore? Has she changed and realized how pathetic that period of her life was?

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Re: Hey anon

nick .

From: raspberrysyrup
Date: Jun. 3rd, 2015 09:06 am (UTC)
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it does and doesn't only by virtue of the fact this was '07 and was recovering from a girlfriend who departed this world in a fucked up way where i had flown down, as i had done regularly, and found her. on top of that i had to deal with the police and first-responders so it was a nightmare i don't want to think about. by the time i did move from the bay area back to socal, just before emily had flown here, i had recovered enough having begun dating someone else who is still a close friend today among other life affirming events. by the time of the drama. after i had flown back to LAX from narita, this was the era of 420chan's /i/ board which i adored and returned to college after a year and a half of drug-fueled hollywood weirdness. so it's bittersweet in one way but by that time i had found some sort of stability in my life and emotional well-being, so i look upon it somewhat fondly for what it was having returned to being a comfy shut-in rather than doing all of these things before.

honestly though, i didn't think terribly much of chan culture, so to speak, by that time because i felt it peaked in '06. obviously it's not like now but maybe i'm just an elitist asshole.

as far as i know, em is in NY state pursuing some fashion-oriented course with her life. i don't have any relationship to her, which is more than understandable, but i've expressed before i wished to sew the stitches closed from the wounds of what had happened overseas. if she does, cool, if not that's cool too. can't blame her but i've tediously reiterated that life is short (as i've learned that much more now...) and our relationship was quite close and somewhat dependent at least, so it's a fucking shame it was driven to crash and burn the way it did over nothing that matters now.

i would bet my life she's changed enough because she was always very capable and warm to me and i to her for years. both of us went through a wealth of fucked up events and circumstances and knew such intimately. i wouldn't have trusted telling anyone anything about me unless they were someone i could depend on. the poisonous factor was places like stickam and the YT filling up her head with this ego boost nonsense that sucked her from reality in this anti-matter haze. by now i don't attribute her being weird, jealous, arrogant, or grossly thin-skinned to her innate personality, but rather as a matter of circumstance and her having just turned 18. i know she's a good person, a cool person, and a warm person inside and for all the shit she put me through overseas, then which seemed like the ultimate betrayal worthy of any sort of wrath, i regret things just had to be that way even knowing i'd likely do the same thing recalling the particles of emotions having singed me then.

i think she would be the very first person to exclaim regret of a few things she may have done to fuel the fires of hate against her. she's way too cognizant and aware to not know that. i have to hand it to her to some degree, she did an admirable job of doing her best to ignore the hacking, drama, and this LJ. so she's not some delusional idiot, she's very aware then and now of her actions or missteps, but i cant knock her for taking what she did to weave some way toward a music career. didn't pan out but it's farther than i could've ever gotten. however i can ramble onward until hours from now but i think i've brush stroked my point. i can't speak for her nor can i speak about anything she thinks or feels after my last conversation with her, but i have to emphasize i just couldn't keep loyal to her (and i don't trust anyone in this world, for real) less we could relate deeply and her being someone i could depend on. i don't think those sorts of attributes change in people.

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Re: Hey anon

From: anonymous
Date: Feb. 9th, 2016 12:38 am (UTC)
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I'm not sure if you're still responding to these messages anon. I hope you're still around.

Thanks for your reply.

I recently learned Emily is involved in an LTR with some pretty normal looking white dude and seems really happy. Though she was an absolute loon some 7 years ago, I'm glad she's realized, at least on some implicit level, how destructive that lifestyle was. I've run into a fair few of these often young, anime-obsessed types who love Japanese and Korean men and it never leads to anything good. Relationships based on racial fetishes are doomed to fail.

You on steam at all, out of interest?

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Re: Hey anon

nick .

From: raspberrysyrup
Date: Feb. 9th, 2016 05:48 am (UTC)
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unsure if you're replying to me or OP

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Re: Hey anon

From: anonymous
Date: Feb. 9th, 2016 12:17 pm (UTC)
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Responding to you m8.

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Re: Hey anon

nick .

From: raspberrysyrup
Date: Mar. 2nd, 2016 09:40 am (UTC)
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still alive somehow yes, thank you for your kind sentiment.

i've been confident for years that emily has grown and matured since all that time ago, as i've known her to be smarter and much more cognizant than most people i come across. if she's happy, then i'm happy, and nobody should be mad at that. we're all older and gone about life in our own ways, after all.

i appreciate the update, it's still admittedly interesting to know where she's at, especially if it's positive. i'm on steam, mostly reserved for l4d2, but i haven't had time to even think about games these days as i'm too busy or otherwise gouging depression by keeping busy with some semblance of productivity. steam ID is kegadol if you want to add; i have a laundry list of games i never play in my library but perhaps there is one we can play sometime if you want in between my monotony. thank you again for your post!

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re:

From: anonymous
Date: Jun. 8th, 2015 09:39 pm (UTC)
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before you kill yourself, tell me more about emily, i want to know it all about emily so tell me please

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nick .

From: raspberrysyrup
Date: Jun. 9th, 2015 08:14 am (UTC)
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you have to find me and say please~ HURRY BEFORE I KILL MYSELF HURRY

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re:

From: anonymous
Date: Jun. 9th, 2015 09:37 pm (UTC)
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C'mon!, I beg you...

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nick .

From: raspberrysyrup
Date: Jun. 10th, 2015 08:28 am (UTC)
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i have neurosurgery in late july so you better hurreh before i die in a medicated fluke on a table. find me and ask.

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Lol u have no life

From: anonymous
Date: Aug. 29th, 2015 01:33 pm (UTC)
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Oh wow still trying to insert emily into any kind of situation to make yourself seem relevant. Lol
Pshhh
I've read your this LJ and I just wanna day that I don't like this self righteous crap that you are spewed/ spewing. It's making me nauseous. You're playing this innocent casualty of Emily being a bitch or whatever but you're also contributed to posting hurtful information about her which may or may not be true. I honestly wouldn't care if she was an asshole because everyone is an asshole at the end of the day so what makes YOU better than her or better than anybody. She tried to get to where she wanted by doing what she thought was best. Better than what you're doing. Being a pathetic loser documenting her life and feeding the trolls. You are gross and if it was me who would be with you in japan trust me you would've been kicked out from my house and thrown into the street but not before I took your passport and burned your things. Whether you like it or not but Emily's star did shine and you were just getting some miserable attention from someone else's popularity.

So so sad

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Re: Lol u have no life

From: anonymous
Date: Jul. 8th, 2016 05:56 am (UTC)
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LOL emiry pls

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Re: ur an Asshole

From: anonymous
Date: Aug. 29th, 2015 02:33 pm (UTC)
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To continue from a previous comment when I was reading from the beginning I did feel sorry that you may have gone thru some of the experiences in japan or whatever but then u started like all this shit storm and were acting all innocent and shit. That's the kind of bullshit I don't like. Just admit it that you're an asshole and that it gave you great pleasure to invade and disclose Emily's personal life, belittle her and watch her suffer. Don't make her out to be a horrible person while you do similar shitty things and then have the audacity to hold your nose high. Pshhhh

Puh
Lease.

I will always be Emily's fan because even though she may be a bitch behind a camera she's still funny and charming.

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Re: ur an Asshole

From: anonymous
Date: Aug. 31st, 2015 01:57 am (UTC)
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You're either Emily or some basement dwelling faggot who saved her old vids and still jerks off to them while you cry yourself to sleep. Fuck off. kthxbye.

What's up Nick? Hope errthing is good. Be well.

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Re: ur an Asshole

nick .

From: raspberrysyrup
Date: Aug. 31st, 2015 03:14 am (UTC)
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aw thank you very much for your well-wishing! i'm doing better, i appreciate the thought.

Edited at 2015-08-31 05:38 am (UTC)

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Re: ur an Asshole

From: anonymous
Date: Sep. 1st, 2015 02:42 am (UTC)
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No worries bro. You're welcome. Oddly enough I was just randomly surfing and ED happened to flash by while doing a google search and it reminded me about this LJ. We spoke once on here, haha, in regard to an edit I made on her ED article. I checked out your new LJ and I read every entry. You reiterated how certain pains can't be expressed though words and I identified with that. I identified with a lot actually. I made it to the end and I'm really glad that you're writing now. Really intriguing stuff and I know the indie biz is a tough nut to crack. I looked for production notes/promotional articles regarding your project with the little info I could gather from your posts, unfortunately to no avail.

Anyway, you went through a lot and I'm sure you also left quite a bit out but I'm glad that you now have this.

You take care man.

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Re: ur an Asshole

nick .

From: raspberrysyrup
Date: Sep. 1st, 2015 09:34 am (UTC)
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it's astoundingly flattering that you would bother to read all of that; a bit of a downer no? at the same time thank you very much for your lifting words. i really do appreciate that a lot.

those gigs you're referencing aren't in my hands as far as production and what i do beyond what i'm tasked to do. however i'm confident it's swinging upward as far as the bigger scope, money, and all of that - we shall see... still to be quite honest i've been out-of-commission for health reasons the past almost-month, but i'm back on that saddle now that i'm much better and am being productive. i even got my license back the other day and a car so i'm able and allowed to drive again (yay).

i think we all go through a lot but it's just how you want to measure it. life really is short and can be ripped from you, at least in regard to your quality of life in a variety of ways, so i've learned to be much more invigorated about getting what i want out of this life than lamenting it as i've done since i can recall. i'm immeasurably grateful for your kindness, thank you again! you take care too and hit me up whenever if you please. thank you very much.

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Re: ur an Asshole

nick .

From: raspberrysyrup
Date: Aug. 31st, 2015 05:37 am (UTC)
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lol who is still a fan in 2015? that's just weird but keep doing you, i guess.

i haven't hid behind any subterfuge; i've made it quite clear throughout that what i did was ruthless and mean. each person can take it and call it whatever they want, it is what it is, but i haven't defended the actions 8 years ago and since as being any sort of moral high ground.

seems to me you just got into emily and came upon this LJ without having followed or really even skimmed it well. really the most embarrassing keks were publicly posted by her and everything else was my personal experiences, which i'm entitled to share on my LJ i would hope, and the AIM logs which i posted here as well.

>You are gross and if it was me who would be with you in japan trust me you would've been kicked out from my house and thrown into the street but not before I took your passport and burned your things.

you're going to commit a malicious felony in japan as a foreigner? brilliant stuff. come at me, bro.

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RE: Re: ur an Asshole

From: anonymous
Date: Aug. 31st, 2015 04:26 pm (UTC)
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I got into her when she still had pikachu bread videos sooo and as for being her fan, she's a cool as bitch so I'll probably still support her and wish her well. Nothing wrong with that

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RE: Re: ur an Asshole

From: anonymous
Date: Aug. 31st, 2015 04:29 pm (UTC)
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Also capsule fucking sucks. Can we all say yellow magic orchestra and daft punk knock off? Nakata also plagiarizes other older artists and video game soundtrack so. Mhmm

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Re: ur an Asshole

nick .

From: raspberrysyrup
Date: Sep. 1st, 2015 01:19 am (UTC)
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so did you start 9th grade yet?

OH NO someone thinks capsule sucks and i've run out of space on my body to cut myself. i'm a big fan of YMO and i saw daft punk just before i got emily from the airport so why wouldn't i like capsule? plus most of capsule's stuff from from the 90's to like, 2006 was pico pop but you're like 14 and your opinions are lame anyway. life goes on.

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Re: ur an Asshole

nick .

From: raspberrysyrup
Date: Sep. 5th, 2015 08:26 am (UTC)
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also, just as a side note, your IP pins you down in aichi... SO i'm going to make a grand assumption you're an ex-pat over in JP knotted in some odd affection for an emily you only know from 7-8 years ago through YT.

i knew her better than you could ever hope so i would ask you understand why i think you're just some person who came across her old videos and apparently came to possess some creepy attachment to her. at least enough to come here and make multiple comments. your comments about who she is "behind the camera" startled me if only because you're either saying A) you've imagined who she is to a point where you speak of her as a person you know (uhhhh), or B) you knew/know her. i don't think you're emily because even emily doesn't type the way you have. so which is it?

enjoy your saturday, bruv.

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bohemiengrl

From: bohemiengrl
Date: Nov. 16th, 2016 04:25 am (UTC)
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this was my modest weeby setup in 2007 in one era where i resided then but more relevantly during th

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From: anonymous
Date: Feb. 20th, 2017 08:12 am (UTC)
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Hey Nick, do you have an e-mail I could contact you on?

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