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Sep. 2nd, 2014 | 02:04 am

if anyone possesses any means to reach kyna (kynapple), it would mean a world of warmth to me. having been dejected upon realizing her gmail account is invalid, i guess you could say this is as desperate as it becomes. however, if anyone does have some electron orbiting connection to be made to her, i would appreciate it beyond emotional measure. thank you for indulging; apologies for updating on here just for my own sake.

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another different anon

From: anonymous
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2015 10:16 pm (UTC)
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a weird once a year habit to check out this place. nothing much to say, other then i hope you are doing well for yourself. did you ever manage to reach kynapple?

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Re: another different anon

nick .

From: raspberrysyrup
Date: Mar. 5th, 2015 07:19 am (UTC)
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i do appreciate the annual ritual of anonymous peeking to see if anything has sprouted upon this journal but... no delphiniums, no orchids, no hydrangeas, just the same poppy fields of this journal. i can't say much about that except to ask your opinion of what i should post about?... i kind of reiterated to the other anon about this.

unfortunately i can't tell you how kyna is faring because i haven't had the means to get in touch with her, although i think of her and wish her the very best. i still hope we can correspond again someday soon; she's a very cherubic girl with a depth to her that i can appreciate even just from email, so i lament that she is where she is and i can't know that place.

i had been plucked from my own life; i was working, i had writing and other artistic gigs going on (still do, technically, but only now can i really return to them), and i was just doing my best. unfortunately it was as if a bullet, riding upon a honeybee, encircled me until it pierced through my temporal lobe in a baptism that had literally left me neurologically and physically crippled up to very, very recently. as if being phosphorescent and stripped within the rifle scope of fate's madman. i'm better but like i had mentioned above, i've been having worsening partial seizures, which has happened before, i'm high-risk for them, but not in a while as i wasn't sober. i'm a little more confident i'll come out okay; i just want my own life back, you know? i'm so isolated from friends that it feels like i've been here four years rather than less than two months, so each day must be broken apart as much as it can, these days stitched together by my sleeplessness and phobia of REM dreams.

in the end, i think i'll be okay. i want to be okay. if i didn't, i'd kill myself and say fuck it. i've survived way too much and much worse; i know horror intimately and have had its fingers in my mouth and tasted its saliva. this is just life being life again and i have to do my best.

i felt i should put to my own, differing words out of respect for your having posted here, which means much to me. it really does. so thank you for checking here and thank you again for your concern and effort to post. it's so appreciated!

Edited at 2015-03-05 07:21 am (UTC)

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